Circle of Trust

This week I started thinking that the blog is a good way to journal for myself and one day for my kids to read if they want.  So here we go.

Thankfully God is not done with me.  He is still molding and shaping me to be who He wants me to be.  I'm 36 years old and feel like I'm still trying to figure out the question, "Who is Shendra?"  Maybe one day if I reach the age of 96 like my grandma, Mimi, I might be able to finally answer the question.  :)

I like talking to people.  I like sharing with people.  I've joked before that I can share too much too early with new friends/acquaintances.  I saw it as being open and transparent, a good thing right?  In 2006 when we planted a church I especially made it a goal to be transparent because I didn't want anyone to put me on a pedestal being "the pastor's wife" and I wanted people to see me as a normal person who made mistakes.

Now it is 2012 and I'm learning through a painful situation recently to ask God and myself, "why do I share too much and why do I share things quickly?"  So this marks the beginning of a journey to find out why I do these things and to find out what I'm really looking for in return.

Eccl 5:3 and 7
3 "A dream comes when there are many cares and many words which mark the speech of a fool."  7  "Much dreaming and many words are meaningless, therefore fear God."

I like the movie Meet the Parents with Ben Stiller.  The character, Jack, talks about letting his soon to be son-in-law into the family's circle of trust.  Today my husband brilliantly drew a diagram for me and I have called it the circle of trust.  :)

Picture a circle of rings.
Inner ring:  God & Me
2nd ring:  Spouse
3rd ring:  Parents
4th ring:  Close Friends
5th ring:  Other Family (brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles)
6th ring:  Small Group
7th ring:  Strangers, New Accquaintences
8th ring:  The rest of the world.  (Biggest ring/outer ring)

I tend to put all of the above into one ring, the inner ring.  This diagram has really helped me to see that.  So my question is....what am I looking for in return when I share too soon with someone?  Am I looking for a pat on the back?  Reassurance?  Affirmation?  It's like a Dr. Phil session isn't it?

Ben said, "Intimacy works from the inside out.  If not then we look like a blabber mouth.  If you have the support of a stranger you can give it a 1 on a number scale.  If you have the support of God you can give it a 10.

Example:  If you have a fight with your spouse who should know about it?  Of course God and your spouse know but should the people on Facebook know?  Thankfully I don't share with anyone fights I have with Ben.  Whew!!  This is just an example.

I admit that I think a lot.  I have many ideas and dreams, too many to count.  It's a blessing to be able to dream but at what point should I stop and just keep them personal dreams?  I like the verses above.  Never noticed these until today when Ben brought them to my attention.  I do look like a fool and many times my words are meaningless.  Don't get me wrong.  I still think it's great to share openly and to dream.  I just think sometimes I have no filter in this area.

Just in the past 2 weeks when we were meeting lots of new people I felt comfortable enough to share something personal with this one lady.  She made some comments about what I shared that left me feeling judged, misunderstood, and frustrated.  I was upset with myself for opening up to her.  Why did I share too much too soon? 

I don't want to change who God made me but I want to have more wisdom about it so I don't look foolish and end up feeling hurt in the end.